February 10, 2010

Article piece from Sam.Tony.Alex.Renee

Special piece this week. "Deal or No Deal" Man's Page POV in italics

So instead of writing what I like, I'll write about what I don't like. And I'm not talkin about the obvious deal-breakers like married dudes, guys wih pending child molestation charges, or a history of domestic violence. I'm talkin about the "not-so obvious" things that may seem petty and shallow to u but make all the difference to me.

• If ur pants are tighter than mine. If there's no room for me to stick my hand down ur pants to jack u off on the dancefloor one drunken night at the club, it's ur fucking loss.

Yeah, this is not tight (no pun intended) Slim fits, maybe, but if you're wearing skinny jeans gtfo. How are you supposed to let your junk breathe?

• If u smoke cigarettes. I'm sorry. This alone probably cuts more than 80% of my potential suitors lol. But seriously, have u tried kissing an ashtray with purpleish-black gums before? I've never even tried a cigarette, and I hate the way my hair smells after being in the car with a smoker so more than likely we'd get on each others nerves and it wouldn't work out anyway.

Also agreed, smoking is nasty habit.  Not much to say here.  It maybe a turn on for some people, but this is mostly an off.

• If ur not significantly taller than me when I'm wearing heels. I'm sorry, I know it's shallow. And I'm well aware that big things come in small packages, I mean hello I'm only 5 ft. tall. But that's just it. I'm a tiny lil' thang and I wanna feel protected in a dark alley.

It's understandable that if a girl is short, then you should at least be a bit taller than her.  Otherwise, you'd be like the short person couple.  However, if the girl is tall (and by definition, 5'9 or taller) it shouldn't matter.  While she maybe sensitive to it, guys obviously don't care if the girl is hot.  Some examples would be Tom cruise and Katie holmes or Taylor swift and that werewolf dude.

• If ur hands are smaller than mine. 'Cuz I don't wanna feel like I'm holding hands with my little brother in elementary school.

You can't control how big your hands are, so if your hands are smaller than a girl's you're shit outta luck.

• If ur hands are softer than mine. 'Cuz if I wanted to hold hands with a girl, I have plenty of hot girlfriends for that.

It's okay to use lotion once in a while, but yeah, if your hands are softer than a chick's you got problems bro.

• If ur bi-sexual. I'm sorry. But even my gay friends agree. There is no such thing as a bi-sexual male.

One word: Gay

• If ur prettier than me. I'm all for a dude who likes to take care of himself. More power to ya. And it's no secret, that Secret is "strong enough for a man but made for a woman." But if we're fighting for mirror time and u have more hair/skin products in ur medicine cabinet than I do, it just ain't happening.

See above answer.  

• If u don't like sports. Because. Well. WTF?! Ur a man! Ur supposed to like sports dammit. I LIKE SPORTS. If I'm sitting there watching the Super Bowl (when I'm not even fond of football) and I turn around and ur on the computer playing World of fucking Warcraft, I may break up with u on the spot.

A mandatory law of sorts.  Even if you like badminton, that's still a sport! (although, not perceived as manly)  Don't put video games over sports, unless said video games ARE sports like madden/nba2k/NHL/FIFA and not mario olympics.

• If u don't like talking "dirty" in bed. OK, so I'm not hardcore into it and it ain't gotta be like a snuff film up in that bitch. But I'd just feel for lack of better words ... weird ... if I said sumth'n nasty to my dude while having sex and u gave me silence in return. And I who wants to feel weird while ur getting it on?

Dirty talk is hot.  Too much of it and you're a perv, but no reaction or reciprocation turns it into an awkward situation.  If you're not good at talking dirty, as a last resort you could always watch some porn to get some ideas.  However, that is a last last resort.

• If I make u laugh more than u make me. Because in all honesty, humor >>> money, muscles, a tricked out ride, etc. etc. It can make an "ok" dude, look twice as appealing and even sexy. I hold the ability to make a woman laugh extremely high on my list. I feel the most beautiful when I'm making my own friends laugh. And I'm pretty fucking funny, so I need someone that can roll with the punchlines. So that I'm not laughing at him, but with him.

This is debatable because while humor is important, not everyone is the next Dave Chapelle/Russell Peters etc.  However, this ranks high on many women's list so if you're not even remotely funny better start reading/watching/listening to comedians.  And, don't always resort to crude humor.  What maybe gut-busting funny to your boys maybe highly offensive to women (I know this first hand) 

If you liked reading this, you can follow our friend's blog at http://girlsarethenewboys.blogspot.com/

January 26, 2010

Final Review of the Jersey Shore

We hated them, we loved them, and now one of the greatest reality shows is gone. Now check out this breakdown of the phenomenon we call Jersey Shore by Bill Simmons and Dave Jacoby.

Listen here

Here is the analysis of the very first episode Click here

January 25, 2010

Brett Equals Overrated

Favre is a great player, first ballot hall of famer no doubt. As great as he is, he is maybe the most overrated player in the history of the NFL. Brett is not only a interception machine (leads all time), but he is terrible when it comes to the playoffs in the clutch. Here are a few of his "clutch" performances
  • 2001 Playoffs - The Packers play the Rams and lose 45-17. In the loss Favre throws 6 interceptions (yes 6, in a playoff game). 3 of the 6 interceptions were returned for touchdowns. Packers lose.
  • 2003 Playoffs - In overtime against the Eagles, Favre throws an interception in overtime which is returned 35 yards to set up a game winning field goal. Packers lose.
  • 2004 Playoffs - Packers played the Vikes for the third time, winning the first two. In this first round playoff game, Favre manages to throw 4 interceptions and a fumble. Packers lose.
  • 2007 Playoffs - Packers play the Giants in the championship game at Lambeau. Close game till the end as Favre throws an overtime interception to Corey Webster that leads to a game winning field goal. This was also his last throw as a Packer. Packers lose.
  • Finally 2009 Playoffs - With the Vikes in field goal range in the last minute, Favre does what he knows best and throws it away and they eventually lose in overtime. Vikes lose.
Brett made high risk passes, but with high risk passes came huge let downs. Favre was a gambler, some he won, some he lost, but when important passes were needed, he didn't have the hand. Great career and first ballot hall of famer, but he was never as good as many made him out to be.

Here is a classic reaction from the broadcasters from the Vikes game.

Is Favre overrated? Send me your opinions.

For more Favre hating check out our friends at Bleacher Report.

January 7, 2010

Testgate Scandal

Here are some points made about the whole issue regarding Manny and Floyd:

Taken from 411mania.com

Imagine if Kobe Bryant decided that there's no way Lebron and Shaq aren't on PEDs. Lebron is just too incredibly fast, and athletic for a guy his size. Shaq shouldn't be able to put up a 10 and 7, at age 37, while only playing a little over 20 minutes a game, after 17 years in the league. What if Kobe says that he wants random blood tests on these two, or he isn't playing them? What about Dwight Howard? He's a physical freak. No guy his size should be able to jump like that right? What if Kobe and Laker management picked certain players and refused to play them unless they submitted to extra random blood tests; tests Kobe's willing to take himself, but not otherwise required by the league? Outside of Kobe groupies, any rational observer will think his position is unreasonable, petty, and full of crap. David Stern would tell Kobe to go blow himself, and threaten to fine him into bankruptcy unless he appeared for the games.

The analogy can go toward any sport, or any situation. It's a variation of the ole "How long have you been beating your wife, y
ou haven't?....prove it."

If Manny and Top R
ank have made any mistakes since this issue broke, it's that they've given too many statements and excuses. He should have given one statement, "Dear Floyd Mayweather and Golden Boy, Fuck you. I'll do whatever is required for the World Boxing Organization (WBO) and state sanctioning bodies--no more no less."

From Yahoo

When Golden Boy (the company) represented Shane Mosley, an "accidental" (he said) steroid user in the Balco scandal for his fight against Zab Judah, it was Mr. Schaefer who babbled: "Whatever test the Nevada Commission wants Shane will take but we are not going to do other tests (as Judah demanded). Shane is not a cheater and does not need to be treated like one."

What happened? What's the difference between Mosley and Pacquiao?

What do you think?

January 6, 2010

Y U MAD? 10 things women complain about...but I'd still smash

1. Crying for equality, but then get mad when they're not treated differently.

2. Fawning over and wanting to fuck supernatural beings when they're fictional. (you don't see us wanting to fuck a mermaid)

3. Trying to be shoe heads with heels

4. Trying to act like sex in the city broads. (WHORES!)

5. ...then get mad at terms like slut or whore because they are indeed that or trying to be that.

6. Think they know all the answers...but they don't.

7. When girls takes a girl's side just because she's a girl

8. ...then playa hates and rags on same girl for being prettier/cuter/sexier

9. Too many assumptions. For example, a guy says they're the best at something. Women automatically assume you're putting them down. Like what the fuck? I just said I'm the best, I didn't put you down.

10. Claiming to be independent, then go around saying you can't find a good man aka guy who makes bank. Independent means you got your own house, own car, two jobs work hard you's a bad broad. Check, Beyonce is independent, she got all her own shit.

Top 10 things women think they can do, but can't

1. Drive (parallel park included)
Do I really need any explanation?

2. Be reasonable
Feelings? Emotions? What are those? Logical standpoints and ideals. Do not mix with the aforementioned nouns.

3. Run a country
Women are ruled by emotions. Basing decisions on emotions and feelings lead to unprecedented and unknown disasters.

4. Make decisions
Always jumping from one thing to another. Never sticking on point. Have you ever wondered why women take 2-3 hours at the mall whereas we stick with our decisions and go in, buy, then leave?

5. Be funny
There are no funny women comedians period. Lisa Lampenelli, negative. Sarah Silverman? Oh hell no.

6. Make a point (argue)
Not reasonable, no valid points, basing argument on emotions and feelings. How do you expect to win? Famous men lawyers: Johnny Cochran

7. Paint (art painting)
Go ahead name a famous woman artist. Can't? Let me name a couple males: Leonardo, Michaelangelo, Donatello, Raphael, Da Vinci, Van Gogh, Rembrandt.

8. Use electronics/gadgets
Who sets the time on the VCR/microwave/home clocks?

9. Play REAL sports
Would you rather watch the NBA or WNBA? When a woman dunks in the WNBA, it's posted every where like on the world news. The presses stop. When a guy dunks, unless its a 360 reverse tomahawk through the legs while blowing out a cupcake, its nothing.

10. Fix shit
C'mon, really?

January 4, 2010

Random 2010 predictions

These are predictions for 2010 that may or may not come true.
In no particular order:
  • Tiger Woods will get caught with steroids
  • Second coming of Elvis
  • PS3 will be cheaper than XBox
  • The internet will go down worldwide and cause a panic
  • Reebok will go out of buiness
  • An Asian version of the Jersey Shore will air on MTV
  • The penny will go extinct
  • 50 Cent will star in a family friendly movie and stars as a babysitting drug dealer
  • The NFL will buy the NHL
  • There will be a money laundering scandal in Vegas.
  • Rappers will start wearing fanny packs.

What are you predictions for the upcoming year?

December 31, 2009

Goodbye 2009

What will be most remembered about 2009?

The death of a King. Whether you hated him or loved him, you will always remember where you were when he died. News so big that twitter and facebook went down. MJ songs were played for 3 weeks straight and everyone was a fan again.

Wow this has to be one of the top 3 worst days of my life R.I.P Michael Jackson!!!
- Fat Joe

Michael Jackson showed me that you can actually see the beat. He made the music come to life!! He made me believe in magic. I will miss him!
- Diddy

I can't find the words right now to express how deeply sadden I am by Michael's passing. We have lost a genius and a true ambassador of not only Pop music, but of all music.
- Justin Timberlake

Where were you when it happened???

December 29, 2009

Top 5 list pt. 2 (Why L is Kobe's He-Bitch)

1) clutch
Game winners. Winners want the last shot, role players pass the ball.

2) closest to Jordan
4 rings. 35.4 ppg in 05-06. Dynasty. Nike brand. Triangle offense. 81!

3) 81 points
Epic. Toronto should've hit him with a quintuple team defense 5 on 1.

4) competitiveness
Never want to lose. Playing with 8 fingers (broken index/torn ligament in pinky) Through flu and rape allegations.

5) work ethic
Never back down. Shooting over 200 shots a day in practice. Highest basketball IQ in the league. Student of the game. MVP finals/regular season.

Top 5 list (Why L hates Brett Favre)

1. lucky
Bastard closes his eyes when he passes hoping his balls get caught.

2. overrated
Commentators all over his nut sack like flies on rice. Selfish bastard putting his record before his team. Some iron man, if you can't throw the ball why you in the game? You're the fucking QB!!!

3. diva
Thinks he's better than everyone including teammates, GM, owner, owner's baby, owner's baby mama...etc.

4. baby
Quote from bleachreport.com

"Brett Favre had a seizure during a hospital visit because he was "addicted" to the same medicine.
What a WUSS!"

5. women making decision skills
Always holding press conferences for every little thing like his 2463164313 time he retires and the 896132684113 time he comes back. You gonna fucking retire or not?! GDAMN IT!