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Oldie but Goodie

Mickey Avalon My Dick Live
by fxparis

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10 Manly Things Dad Should Have Taught You

1) Drinking - I had my first beer at 10, thought it was disgusting then. However, what was nasty then, is gold now.

2) Shooting a gun - My dad and I were shooting a BB gun around the house (because it would be stupid to let a kid shoot a real gun) and he managed to gun down a hummingbird (true story).

3) Fishing - Essential to surviving in the wilderness. All you need is some floss, a paper clip, and a bag of gummy worms.

4) BBQing/Grilling - You don't see George foreman using pots/pans...you see him grilling shit...like steak and chicken!

5) Fighting/ Fighting Dirty - After getting into a fight at 7, my dad said, "what happen? you win?" I said, "no, he kicked my ass." Instead of saying, "good thing you didn't get hurt," he replied with "Well go back out there and fight again. Kick him in the shins if you have to."

6) The Birds and the Bees - Awkward, but necessary.

7) Fixing a Car - Changing tires, oil, etc. However I don't pay insurance for nothing, so when I get a busted tire on the road, I call AAA.

8) Driving a manual transmission - because all the fast exotic cars in the world are NOT automatic

9) Sports - whether its playing or just watching, this is the basis of all things manly.

10) Look Badass (tie a neck tie, cuff links, suit, shine shoes) - because you need to look P.I.M.P to get laid.

What else am I missing?

Don't Be That Guy

Fashion trends come and go. This is compiled list of fashion faux pas that men make:

• Linen shirts with the front buttoned down, unless you are in Miami or you are Don Johnson, just don't wear it. Shirts with sparkles is another just don't do it shirts. What REAL man wears a shirt with sparkles?

• Big belt buckles is out. I think that if you go back to 2002 you can see it die.
  

• Matching EVERYTHING is no longer in style. Your shoes do not need to match the color of the diamond in your earring. Learn contrast!!

• Wearing Gucci/Coach/LV can only be pulled off by a few people in the world and they are mostly rich and famous. You can look more fruity than a jamba juice smoothy, if this make a wrong move. If your name is not Kayne West or own a money tree in your closet, please refrain. Even if you have money, remember that it's a brand popularized by women.

• Beat up dirty shoes. Don't come at me with your fake Jordans or some cheap shoes from Walmart. Also don't wear sandals with jeans. This has queer written all over it.

• Super baggy jeans. Straight legged over sized jeans went out with gangsta rap of the 90s. Hey oversized jeans guy, '96 wants it's fashion back.

• Tall Ts/White Ts. Really? Really? That's just being lazy.

If your offended, it's because you are one of these douchebags. Don't be that guy.

-CMC

Top 5 Most Anticipated Movies in 2009

Hype Level Meter: 1 being low - 5 being high.

In no particular order.

1) Watchmen - March 2009
The highly anticipated DC movie to be released this weekend. This movie looks bad ass from the music all the way to the cinematics (based on the trailer) I have never read the comic, however, in an early screening by an inside source, he said it is "pretty damn accurate." Hype level: 4



2) X-Men Origins: Wolverine - May 2009
I'm so glad Marvel finally took over their own shit. For a while, they brought us some crappy movies like The Hulk with Eric Bana, Spider-Man 3, and the X-men series (yeah I didn't like it). Now that they have their own studio and team for their movies, so it's all good. This movie has Hugh Jackman reprising his role as Wolverine and explains how he went from a boy to the "I'll slit your throat for a penny" kick ass mo'fo that he is. Notable entries include the long awaited Gambit, played by that long hair linebacker in Friday Night Lights, also Van Wilder as Deadpool, and Will.i.Am. as some black guy...with powers. Hype level: 5



3) Terminator Salvation - May 2009
"Come with me if you want to live!" - Arnold the Terminator
I thought part 3 was really bad. Some things should end when they're really hot, like part 2. Part 4 will be coming out soon and with Christian Bale as John Connor....wow. Tha is awesome because method actors get so involved with their characters, you would actually believe anything they say or do. I mean who wouldn't want batman as the savior of mankind?! Hype Level: 4



4) G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra - August 2009
Can they pull it off without making it cheesy? I hope so, Snake Eyes is the shit! I mean c'mon, he's a ninja! Ray Park will probably single handily make this movie worth watching for his kick ass martial arts. An added bonus is if this movie draws a lot of people, the Army might get an increase for sign ups because everyone will think they can be like Duke, or Sergeant Slaughter. Hype Level: 3



5) Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen - June 2009
Cars that change into robots. Good. Megan Fox. GOOD! Loud noises + things exploding. Good. Guns. Good. Megan Fox. GOOD! Did I mention Megan fox?! Hype Level: 4