February 10, 2010

Article piece from Sam.Tony.Alex.Renee

Special piece this week. "Deal or No Deal" Man's Page POV in italics

So instead of writing what I like, I'll write about what I don't like. And I'm not talkin about the obvious deal-breakers like married dudes, guys wih pending child molestation charges, or a history of domestic violence. I'm talkin about the "not-so obvious" things that may seem petty and shallow to u but make all the difference to me.

• If ur pants are tighter than mine. If there's no room for me to stick my hand down ur pants to jack u off on the dancefloor one drunken night at the club, it's ur fucking loss.

Yeah, this is not tight (no pun intended) Slim fits, maybe, but if you're wearing skinny jeans gtfo. How are you supposed to let your junk breathe?

• If u smoke cigarettes. I'm sorry. This alone probably cuts more than 80% of my potential suitors lol. But seriously, have u tried kissing an ashtray with purpleish-black gums before? I've never even tried a cigarette, and I hate the way my hair smells after being in the car with a smoker so more than likely we'd get on each others nerves and it wouldn't work out anyway.

Also agreed, smoking is nasty habit.  Not much to say here.  It maybe a turn on for some people, but this is mostly an off.

• If ur not significantly taller than me when I'm wearing heels. I'm sorry, I know it's shallow. And I'm well aware that big things come in small packages, I mean hello I'm only 5 ft. tall. But that's just it. I'm a tiny lil' thang and I wanna feel protected in a dark alley.

It's understandable that if a girl is short, then you should at least be a bit taller than her.  Otherwise, you'd be like the short person couple.  However, if the girl is tall (and by definition, 5'9 or taller) it shouldn't matter.  While she maybe sensitive to it, guys obviously don't care if the girl is hot.  Some examples would be Tom cruise and Katie holmes or Taylor swift and that werewolf dude.

• If ur hands are smaller than mine. 'Cuz I don't wanna feel like I'm holding hands with my little brother in elementary school.

You can't control how big your hands are, so if your hands are smaller than a girl's you're shit outta luck.

• If ur hands are softer than mine. 'Cuz if I wanted to hold hands with a girl, I have plenty of hot girlfriends for that.

It's okay to use lotion once in a while, but yeah, if your hands are softer than a chick's you got problems bro.

• If ur bi-sexual. I'm sorry. But even my gay friends agree. There is no such thing as a bi-sexual male.

One word: Gay

• If ur prettier than me. I'm all for a dude who likes to take care of himself. More power to ya. And it's no secret, that Secret is "strong enough for a man but made for a woman." But if we're fighting for mirror time and u have more hair/skin products in ur medicine cabinet than I do, it just ain't happening.

See above answer.  

• If u don't like sports. Because. Well. WTF?! Ur a man! Ur supposed to like sports dammit. I LIKE SPORTS. If I'm sitting there watching the Super Bowl (when I'm not even fond of football) and I turn around and ur on the computer playing World of fucking Warcraft, I may break up with u on the spot.

A mandatory law of sorts.  Even if you like badminton, that's still a sport! (although, not perceived as manly)  Don't put video games over sports, unless said video games ARE sports like madden/nba2k/NHL/FIFA and not mario olympics.

• If u don't like talking "dirty" in bed. OK, so I'm not hardcore into it and it ain't gotta be like a snuff film up in that bitch. But I'd just feel for lack of better words ... weird ... if I said sumth'n nasty to my dude while having sex and u gave me silence in return. And I who wants to feel weird while ur getting it on?

Dirty talk is hot.  Too much of it and you're a perv, but no reaction or reciprocation turns it into an awkward situation.  If you're not good at talking dirty, as a last resort you could always watch some porn to get some ideas.  However, that is a last last resort.

• If I make u laugh more than u make me. Because in all honesty, humor >>> money, muscles, a tricked out ride, etc. etc. It can make an "ok" dude, look twice as appealing and even sexy. I hold the ability to make a woman laugh extremely high on my list. I feel the most beautiful when I'm making my own friends laugh. And I'm pretty fucking funny, so I need someone that can roll with the punchlines. So that I'm not laughing at him, but with him.

This is debatable because while humor is important, not everyone is the next Dave Chapelle/Russell Peters etc.  However, this ranks high on many women's list so if you're not even remotely funny better start reading/watching/listening to comedians.  And, don't always resort to crude humor.  What maybe gut-busting funny to your boys maybe highly offensive to women (I know this first hand) 

If you liked reading this, you can follow our friend's blog at http://girlsarethenewboys.blogspot.com/