MTV's Jersey Shore Review

Left to right (standing): Angelina, JWOWWW, Snookie, Mike "The situation"
Left to right (front row): Vinny, Pauly D, Ronnie, Sammi "Sweetheart"

Last week was the premiere of Jersey Shore. What I like to call the Real World: Guidos/Guidettes. This has to be the most douchebag show on tv to date, considering all the real worlds that have been aired. The show's premise follows a group of eight living the summer in Jersey shore, located in New Jersey (and according to Ted from "How I Met Your Mother" the worst place to live in the whole world! Listen to Bill Simmon's podcast to get his take on Jersey Shore, but I'll refer to his podcast from time to time. Let's take a look at the players starting with the guys. These guys refer to themselves as Guidos (for those who don't know here is Urban Dictionary's def:

A sad pathetic excuse for a male; not necessarily of Italian descent, but most likely; usually native to the New York/New Jersey Tri-State area.
WARDROBE: tight zipper shirts, tracksuits, designer jeans, fuzzy kangol hats, tiny hoop earrings, fake gold chains, and related Euro-trash garb and tacky cheese-wear.

Typical guido, they have spikey hair (or "blowouts"), are muscled/juiced out, tatted up and tanned with douchebag clothing (Ed Hardy, Von Dutch, etc.) The first guy is Mike or as he refers to himself as "The situation". WHO THE FUCK calls themselves as that! BS (bill simmons) says it has to be the best nickname for a WWE gimmick and I agree. L says so too, but what the fuck does he know, he thinks the knicks are the best team in the NBA. Back to Mike, he also refers to his 6 pack as the situation. I don't understand, but this guy is a definitely a dbag when you refer to your 6pack and yourself as "The situation". BS also says he looks like a jersey Derek Jeter guido. I LMFAO and almost hit a car when I was listening to it on the road. He starts the show falling madly in love with one of his housemates, a guidette (short def: Italian hooch, super tanned, with all fake errr thang) Sammi "SweetHeart", we'll get to her in a sec. Through the premiere, Mike acts like a he-bitch when Sammi flirts and hooks up with him then ditches him for Ronnie. Ronnie is our second douche housemate. This guy is the quintessential meathead of guidos. All about the juice, he could bench press then body slam the whole cast. But, BS indicates that he looks to have the most common sense and is grounded enough to actually blend in with society (true story.) Even though Ronnie hooks up with Sammi, he's like whatever, never fall in love in Jersey shore. Quote from him (paraphrased) "I take off my shirt and bitches flock to me like flies on shit!". Yeah...WOW, LOL! Next is Vinny and this guy is just a young buck. Just turned 21 and bout to be Guido-ing it up (ha ha I just turned it into a verb!) big time. Not too significant on the show yet, we just know he has pink eye. Most memorable thing about him is a thing Guidos do at clubs, which is fist pumping! See video (I wish I could find one of Vinny on the show, but here is the best I could find) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wu9SNcqKMDc
Last, we have my favorite character on the show, PAULY D. This guy is 29 years old and out to do bitches like theres no tomorrow. The douchebaggiest guy IMO on the show, but also most entertaining. Things so far: fist pumps, smacks game on 20 yr olds, punches a dude while said dude is in a full nelson lock, and has that stereotypical accent. Classic.

Work our way around to the girls. We have Snookie, JWOWWW, Angelina, and Sammi "sweetheart". Snookie is stereotypical hoochie guidette who is like 4'7" with implants that you would think would make her tip over. Such a hooch that in the first episode she jumps in the hot tub with all the dudes in just her bra and thong. Angelina, the cock block who thinks she's a hot piece, hates on everybody. She thinks she is the Italian kim kardashian, GTFO! Like "The situation" said, "lose 5-7 pounds, then we can talk!" LOL. Also I think Angelina looks like a better Ratchel Dratch...that's not saying much. JWOWWW (wtf?!) another slutty chick who has a boyfriend back home who apparently cheats and gets it on with PAULY D, has a bad boob job. Shit is spherical and separated by the Atlantic ocean! But I would still do her over Snooks, and Angelina, who btw, calls herself Jolie. (editor's note: nobody gives themselves their own nickname, people give that to you!) Lastly we have Sammi "sweetheart" who although has a nice nickname, don't be fooled, she a round a way girl too. But, she is a hot piece who "the situation" tries to get all lovey dovey with. Like c'mon man don't be a lil' bitch. She sports a weave, but it looks good, and she has in Ronnie's words "a damn good set of legs" booyyyyyyyyy! That wraps it up for now, go check out the show, shit is going down. Trailers have snooks getting punched, yes, PUNCHED in the face by some dude. Lots of fights and drama, guaranteed to be better than Real World: DC (which I am not watching btw) I give it a 6 out of 10 for reality shows because fist pumping is just so entertaining and sammi sweetheart is a hottie slut. She only fucks with Guidos, but hey, whatever. Airs on MTV Thursdays 10est/pst ::FIST PUMP!::

"C-Reezy"