Goodbye 2009

What will be most remembered about 2009?



The death of a King. Whether you hated him or loved him, you will always remember where you were when he died. News so big that twitter and facebook went down. MJ songs were played for 3 weeks straight and everyone was a fan again.

Wow this has to be one of the top 3 worst days of my life R.I.P Michael Jackson!!!

- Fat Joe

Michael Jackson showed me that you can actually see the beat. He made the music come to life!! He made me believe in magic. I will miss him!
- Diddy

I can't find the words right now to express how deeply sadden I am by Michael's passing. We have lost a genius and a true ambassador of not only Pop music, but of all music.
- Justin Timberlake

Where were you when it happened???

Top 5 list pt. 2 (Why L is Kobe's He-Bitch)

1) clutch
Game winners. Winners want the last shot, role players pass the ball.

2) closest to Jordan
4 rings. 35.4 ppg in 05-06. Dynasty. Nike brand. Triangle offense. 81!

3) 81 points
Epic. Toronto should've hit him with a quintuple team defense 5 on 1.

4) competitiveness
Never want to lose. Playing with 8 fingers (broken index/torn ligament in pinky) Through flu and rape allegations.

5) work ethic
Never back down. Shooting over 200 shots a day in practice. Highest basketball IQ in the league. Student of the game. MVP finals/regular season.

Top 5 list (Why L hates Brett Favre)

1. lucky
Bastard closes his eyes when he passes hoping his balls get caught.

2. overrated
Commentators all over his nut sack like flies on rice. Selfish bastard putting his record before his team. Some iron man, if you can't throw the ball why you in the game? You're the fucking QB!!!

3. diva
Thinks he's better than everyone including teammates, GM, owner, owner's baby, owner's baby mama...etc.

4. baby
Quote from bleachreport.com

"Brett Favre had a seizure during a hospital visit because he was "addicted" to the same medicine.
What a WUSS!"

5. women making decision skills
Always holding press conferences for every little thing like his 2463164313 time he retires and the 896132684113 time he comes back. You gonna fucking retire or not?! GDAMN IT!

Holiday Wants!

Granted I want a second pair of Air Jordan XI space jams, (yeah, I know I'm selfish) these Air Force 1 futura's don't look bad either. The last time I had a pair was 3 years ago and they were pretty damn durable. These are hot though, all black everything haha.

Pacquiao is a Tiger himself!

With so much news about Tiger Woods and his harem of mistresses it’s been easy to miss the story of pound-for-pound boxing champion Manny Pacquiao allegedly cheating on his wife. The Internet and Filipino media say Manny stepped out on wife Jinkee with actress Krista Ranillo. Manny and Ranillo have both denied an affair. Read more here...

MTV's Jersey Shore Review

Left to right (standing): Angelina, JWOWWW, Snookie, Mike "The situation"
Left to right (front row): Vinny, Pauly D, Ronnie, Sammi "Sweetheart"

Last week was the premiere of Jersey Shore. What I like to call the Real World: Guidos/Guidettes. This has to be the most douchebag show on tv to date, considering all the real worlds that have been aired. The show's premise follows a group of eight living the summer in Jersey shore, located in New Jersey (and according to Ted from "How I Met Your Mother" the worst place to live in the whole world! Listen to Bill Simmon's podcast to get his take on Jersey Shore, but I'll refer to his podcast from time to time. Let's take a look at the players starting with the guys. These guys refer to themselves as Guidos (for those who don't know here is Urban Dictionary's def:

A sad pathetic excuse for a male; not necessarily of Italian descent, but most likely; usually native to the New York/New Jersey Tri-State area.
WARDROBE: tight zipper shirts, tracksuits, designer jeans, fuzzy kangol hats, tiny hoop earrings, fake gold chains, and related Euro-trash garb and tacky cheese-wear.

Typical guido, they have spikey hair (or "blowouts"), are muscled/juiced out, tatted up and tanned with douchebag clothing (Ed Hardy, Von Dutch, etc.) The first guy is Mike or as he refers to himself as "The situation". WHO THE FUCK calls themselves as that! BS (bill simmons) says it has to be the best nickname for a WWE gimmick and I agree. L says so too, but what the fuck does he know, he thinks the knicks are the best team in the NBA. Back to Mike, he also refers to his 6 pack as the situation. I don't understand, but this guy is a definitely a dbag when you refer to your 6pack and yourself as "The situation". BS also says he looks like a jersey Derek Jeter guido. I LMFAO and almost hit a car when I was listening to it on the road. He starts the show falling madly in love with one of his housemates, a guidette (short def: Italian hooch, super tanned, with all fake errr thang) Sammi "SweetHeart", we'll get to her in a sec. Through the premiere, Mike acts like a he-bitch when Sammi flirts and hooks up with him then ditches him for Ronnie. Ronnie is our second douche housemate. This guy is the quintessential meathead of guidos. All about the juice, he could bench press then body slam the whole cast. But, BS indicates that he looks to have the most common sense and is grounded enough to actually blend in with society (true story.) Even though Ronnie hooks up with Sammi, he's like whatever, never fall in love in Jersey shore. Quote from him (paraphrased) "I take off my shirt and bitches flock to me like flies on shit!". Yeah...WOW, LOL! Next is Vinny and this guy is just a young buck. Just turned 21 and bout to be Guido-ing it up (ha ha I just turned it into a verb!) big time. Not too significant on the show yet, we just know he has pink eye. Most memorable thing about him is a thing Guidos do at clubs, which is fist pumping! See video (I wish I could find one of Vinny on the show, but here is the best I could find) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wu9SNcqKMDc
Last, we have my favorite character on the show, PAULY D. This guy is 29 years old and out to do bitches like theres no tomorrow. The douchebaggiest guy IMO on the show, but also most entertaining. Things so far: fist pumps, smacks game on 20 yr olds, punches a dude while said dude is in a full nelson lock, and has that stereotypical accent. Classic.

Work our way around to the girls. We have Snookie, JWOWWW, Angelina, and Sammi "sweetheart". Snookie is stereotypical hoochie guidette who is like 4'7" with implants that you would think would make her tip over. Such a hooch that in the first episode she jumps in the hot tub with all the dudes in just her bra and thong. Angelina, the cock block who thinks she's a hot piece, hates on everybody. She thinks she is the Italian kim kardashian, GTFO! Like "The situation" said, "lose 5-7 pounds, then we can talk!" LOL. Also I think Angelina looks like a better Ratchel Dratch...that's not saying much. JWOWWW (wtf?!) another slutty chick who has a boyfriend back home who apparently cheats and gets it on with PAULY D, has a bad boob job. Shit is spherical and separated by the Atlantic ocean! But I would still do her over Snooks, and Angelina, who btw, calls herself Jolie. (editor's note: nobody gives themselves their own nickname, people give that to you!) Lastly we have Sammi "sweetheart" who although has a nice nickname, don't be fooled, she a round a way girl too. But, she is a hot piece who "the situation" tries to get all lovey dovey with. Like c'mon man don't be a lil' bitch. She sports a weave, but it looks good, and she has in Ronnie's words "a damn good set of legs" booyyyyyyyyy! That wraps it up for now, go check out the show, shit is going down. Trailers have snooks getting punched, yes, PUNCHED in the face by some dude. Lots of fights and drama, guaranteed to be better than Real World: DC (which I am not watching btw) I give it a 6 out of 10 for reality shows because fist pumping is just so entertaining and sammi sweetheart is a hottie slut. She only fucks with Guidos, but hey, whatever. Airs on MTV Thursdays 10est/pst ::FIST PUMP!::

"C-Reezy"

MTV Jersey Shore Analysis

Check out the breakdown for the first episode of Jersey Shore by Bill Simmons and Dave Jacoby.

Listen Here

Ever been this drunk?

REAL or FAKE?

New Dave Chapelle clip from the Laugh Factory

10/21/2009

2min out of a long show? C'mon at least a bit more

Whoa! Those crazy Japanese people...I'm down lol!

10/20/2009

Be A MAN video

Oldie but Goodie

Mickey Avalon My Dick Live
by fxparis

Be A MAN picture

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10 Manly Things Dad Should Have Taught You

1) Drinking - I had my first beer at 10, thought it was disgusting then. However, what was nasty then, is gold now.

2) Shooting a gun - My dad and I were shooting a BB gun around the house (because it would be stupid to let a kid shoot a real gun) and he managed to gun down a hummingbird (true story).

3) Fishing - Essential to surviving in the wilderness. All you need is some floss, a paper clip, and a bag of gummy worms.

4) BBQing/Grilling - You don't see George foreman using pots/pans...you see him grilling shit...like steak and chicken!

5) Fighting/ Fighting Dirty - After getting into a fight at 7, my dad said, "what happen? you win?" I said, "no, he kicked my ass." Instead of saying, "good thing you didn't get hurt," he replied with "Well go back out there and fight again. Kick him in the shins if you have to."

6) The Birds and the Bees - Awkward, but necessary.

7) Fixing a Car - Changing tires, oil, etc. However I don't pay insurance for nothing, so when I get a busted tire on the road, I call AAA.

8) Driving a manual transmission - because all the fast exotic cars in the world are NOT automatic

9) Sports - whether its playing or just watching, this is the basis of all things manly.

10) Look Badass (tie a neck tie, cuff links, suit, shine shoes) - because you need to look P.I.M.P to get laid.

What else am I missing?

Don't Be That Guy

Fashion trends come and go. This is compiled list of fashion faux pas that men make:

• Linen shirts with the front buttoned down, unless you are in Miami or you are Don Johnson, just don't wear it. Shirts with sparkles is another just don't do it shirts. What REAL man wears a shirt with sparkles?

• Big belt buckles is out. I think that if you go back to 2002 you can see it die.
  

• Matching EVERYTHING is no longer in style. Your shoes do not need to match the color of the diamond in your earring. Learn contrast!!

• Wearing Gucci/Coach/LV can only be pulled off by a few people in the world and they are mostly rich and famous. You can look more fruity than a jamba juice smoothy, if this make a wrong move. If your name is not Kayne West or own a money tree in your closet, please refrain. Even if you have money, remember that it's a brand popularized by women.

• Beat up dirty shoes. Don't come at me with your fake Jordans or some cheap shoes from Walmart. Also don't wear sandals with jeans. This has queer written all over it.

• Super baggy jeans. Straight legged over sized jeans went out with gangsta rap of the 90s. Hey oversized jeans guy, '96 wants it's fashion back.

• Tall Ts/White Ts. Really? Really? That's just being lazy.

If your offended, it's because you are one of these douchebags. Don't be that guy.

-CMC

Top 5 Most Anticipated Movies in 2009

Hype Level Meter: 1 being low - 5 being high.

In no particular order.

1) Watchmen - March 2009
The highly anticipated DC movie to be released this weekend. This movie looks bad ass from the music all the way to the cinematics (based on the trailer) I have never read the comic, however, in an early screening by an inside source, he said it is "pretty damn accurate." Hype level: 4



2) X-Men Origins: Wolverine - May 2009
I'm so glad Marvel finally took over their own shit. For a while, they brought us some crappy movies like The Hulk with Eric Bana, Spider-Man 3, and the X-men series (yeah I didn't like it). Now that they have their own studio and team for their movies, so it's all good. This movie has Hugh Jackman reprising his role as Wolverine and explains how he went from a boy to the "I'll slit your throat for a penny" kick ass mo'fo that he is. Notable entries include the long awaited Gambit, played by that long hair linebacker in Friday Night Lights, also Van Wilder as Deadpool, and Will.i.Am. as some black guy...with powers. Hype level: 5



3) Terminator Salvation - May 2009
"Come with me if you want to live!" - Arnold the Terminator
I thought part 3 was really bad. Some things should end when they're really hot, like part 2. Part 4 will be coming out soon and with Christian Bale as John Connor....wow. Tha is awesome because method actors get so involved with their characters, you would actually believe anything they say or do. I mean who wouldn't want batman as the savior of mankind?! Hype Level: 4



4) G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra - August 2009
Can they pull it off without making it cheesy? I hope so, Snake Eyes is the shit! I mean c'mon, he's a ninja! Ray Park will probably single handily make this movie worth watching for his kick ass martial arts. An added bonus is if this movie draws a lot of people, the Army might get an increase for sign ups because everyone will think they can be like Duke, or Sergeant Slaughter. Hype Level: 3



5) Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen - June 2009
Cars that change into robots. Good. Megan Fox. GOOD! Loud noises + things exploding. Good. Guns. Good. Megan Fox. GOOD! Did I mention Megan fox?! Hype Level: 4

Win a Trophy Tonight

Now who doesn’t want to be the guy walking out with the hottest chick in the club. I tell you now, I am not some sort of relationship expert, but I have compiled advice and tips from men & women who have accomplished the goal of going home with the top prize at the club or bar. Remember, I’m simply relaying the info along with some of the knowledge I know.

1. Always look presentable. To women, there is nothing more of an attraction killer than seeing a homeless looking idiot. 100% of first attraction is appearance. You never hear guys say, “Man take a look at all that personality spilling out of that girls bra.”If you are trying to go home with the best looking; shouldn't she?
2. Be THE MAN, but be the man quietly. You want to stand out, but you do not be the loud douche bag yelling and making a scene (ie College Frat Boys).
3. Once spotting your target, show interest. Stare casually, just enough so her friends notice. However do not get caught and be labeled as creepy. Approach with caution, but if you’re good enough, maybe she’ll come to you.
4. A mans game can vary. Find a way to get one on one time. If she smokes, go smoke with her if you smoke too, if not just fake it. A drink usually always works, especially 5 drinks in.
   
5. Whatever you do make conversation. DON’T TALK THE WHOLE TIME, but keep the ball rolling. Try to find something that you have in common, but DO NOT MAKE IT OVERLY SIMILAR. if she say “I have a cat named Bob” don’t lie and say the same thing.
   
6. Women are attracted to humor. Be witty and clever, but not a stand up comedian. Find an inside joke the two of you can share and will make you standout.
   
7. Another thing, if you possibly can, dance! If you can't dance, try anyways. If you don’t, she’s more likely to find someone else that can.
8. A number is always a score. This is the least you should get at the end of the night. Also in the 21st century, "Can I Facebook you?" is the new "Can I get your number?"
   

Bottom line guys: don’t be a dick, dress nice, buy drinks, dance and keep your cool.

-CMC

The Art of the Crossover

The crossover is when the player quickly changes direction while switching the ball to the opposite hand which can cause the defender to lose balance and fall in trying to react too quickly. Here are players with the best crossovers of all-time in no particular order.

Tim Hardaway
The Godfather of the crossover, hands down. He took the crossover to a new level that no one had seen before his time. Players today are still trying to copy his "UTEP Two-step" crossover.


Kobe Bryant
He might have one of the smoothest crossovers of all-time. Always known for his clutch and vertical ability. Hard to say that Kobe has been underrated, but his crossover is one of the best and never talked about.(requires flash)

Allen Iverson
AI is one of the quickest players ever. His crossover is legendary. Oh yeah, he crossed over Jordan. Enough said.


Steve Francis
May have perfected the crossover. He did it with speed and grace. Definitely top 2 crossovers ever when he was in his prime.

NBA "Steve Francis" mix - MyVideo

Jamal Crawford
Best crossover in the game today (no disrespect to D-Wade). His shake and bake is one of the best moves ever and it works everytime.


Honorable mentions: Dwyane Wade, Jason Williams, Chris Paul and Rafer Alston

Who has the best crossover of all-time?

Gentlemen's Club Virgins

This past weekend I was able to attend two shows from adult film star Kaylani Lei. She has done over 150 films and even has won an AVN Come-Back-Actress-Of-The-Year award. Last Friday was her triumphant return to the Crazy Horse in San Francisco.

In Kaylani’s first set, she was dressed in a red and black Asian-theme. She danced up and down the stage collecting massive amounts of dollar bills. By the 3rd song, she was fully nude and brought up a willing volunteer, who was laid down on the stage, pants unzipped and a glass phallic object inserted in his zipper hole to simulate an erection. Kaylani proceeded to “blow” the volunteer. Along with lubricant that appeared like semen, she emulated oral sex. The “dance” climaxed when she removed the dildo and began to pleasure herself with it.

All in all, I wasn’t disappointed. She came, she danced, she came! For those who have not seen Kaylani, she does not have the body of a porn star, yet she still holds that aura of "rockstar" around her.

For those of you who are Gentlemen's Club Virgins here are a few tips to know:

• Like any club, expect the busy times on the weekends, Friday and Saturday. They will be inundated with college frat boys, bachelor parties, and the occasional creepy old man. There are covers at the clubs usually around $20. Many places offer discounts if you bring a lady friend

• Sitting at the stage, TIPPING IS MANDATORY. Do not sit in the front row of the stage expecting to get a free show, these are their jobs gentlemen. Show some appreciation

• Just like Chris Rock said, “There is NO sex in the champagne room”. On the west coast they are called private rooms, I've only heard them use the term champagne room in Vegas. Feel free to tell all your homies you got head/handjob/sex. Just don’t make it too extravagant

• First time, second time, millionth time, you must get a lap dance. You do not want to be the one loser on the car ride home with no story to tell

• DO NOT get overly excited, that just spells out “rookie” to the strippers and they will just see you as an ATM

• KNOW your limits. Only go in with money you intend to spend and never bring your plastic cards. Know when to say no. Strippers are like potato chips, you just can't have one.

• During private lap dances, there will be no crotch-ualar touching. You can feel free to grab titties and ass. Only touch if she guides you to the promise land herself.

• Forewarning, stripper smell and glitter will ALWAYS rub off on you, so wash your hands, face, or even bring another set of clothes if you are there on the downlow.

• Always call out the one guy/girl whose birthday it is. You always get something special.

• Show you are interested and having fun, the girls will show that love back. Don’t be the creepy guy in the corner by themselves.

General rule is to have fun! Don’t be the stick in the mud to ruin everyone's good time. 65% of guys do not go to the strip club with intentions of getting laid, we all would like to think about it, but these girls know better. So, have fun, spend a little money, grab some tits and call it a night.

-CMC